Prayer
We need to often think about death
To remind us of the weight of our body
Every time I walk through the dark street, I realise----
My body remembers everything
She remembers the vessels on the closed eyelids,
remembers the stomach twitching; staring at an empty wall at night,
waiting,
while thinking I could never wait to see the sun again
I realise I could not rinse myself,
Like the doctor rinses the amniotic fluid from a newborn baby
To be clean again
My friend says I am a hopeless romantic
She said I need to protect myself
To take a step back,
Be a bit pretentious, treat it as a game
Like dancing tango, my left foot goes back
When he extends his right one
But I like to be the moth, to the flame
I like my lips could feel the flutter of your lashes,
I like to hold you so tight, to realise my body exist
When I look at a person,
I understand one day they will die
And so will I
And so will you
We will eventually melt into the earth, return to
the place before we were born
Where your right foot and my left, could finally touch each other
Every morning, I put on a muddy jacket which we usually call
----“The past”
I accept the headache,
cover my palm on my sore eyes
“I will live for my brothers”, said the soldiers returned from the war
Live for those who didn’t survive
The 17-year-old me, the 13-year-old me, the 6-year-old me, the 3-year-old me
They did not survive that childhood
They are looking at me
Through the eye shaped wounds, deep down my chest
I could not save them
I live for them
我们要常常思考死亡
才能记得身体的重量
每当走过傍晚的街道，我都意识到
身体记得一切
记得睁开又闭上的眼睛，记得饥饿时胃部的抽搐
记得凝视着水泥墙等待 又觉得永远等不到太阳
意识到你无法冲洗自己
像冲洗新生儿身上的羊水一样重新获得洁净
我的朋友说我 是一个无可救药的浪漫主义者
她说要保护自己
后退一点点 加上一点
欺骗
一点矫揉 一点博弈
一点点到为止和一点口无遮拦
好像跳探戈 他伸右脚 我的左脚便要往后退
但我喜欢飞蛾扑火
喜欢我的唇感受到你睫毛的颤动
喜欢紧紧相拥 以让我意识到这座躯体还存在
我看着一个人 明白他有一天即将死亡
而我也是
你也是
我们终将要融化在大地 回到我们出生之前的地方
你的右脚和我的左脚可以触碰的地方
每一天早晨 ，我穿上那件充满泥淖的
名为“过去”的衣裳
我接受头疼 将温热的手掌覆盖在酸胀的眼眶
从战争归来的士兵说 要为他们死去的兄弟而活
为那些没有幸存的人而活
十七岁的我、十三岁的我、六岁的我、三岁的我
她们都没有幸免于那场童年
她们透过如眼睛般的伤痕在心底凝望着我
我无法拯救她们
我为她们而活
2023.02.25
